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I started working with a life coach. It all happened very suddenly. I wasn’t even looking for a life coach when someone recommended a woman who’s lived overseas for years and could help as I continue to settle into this crazy life.

I’m not sure what it says about me that someone recommended I get a life coach, but I’m trying not to dwell on that too much.

So far, she’s helped me set some big goals and we’re working through how to meet those goals.

Something I verbalized about myself in our very first meeting was “I’m an all or nothing kind of person”. By this I meant if I don’t have time to answer all 47 emails in my inbox I will not answer even the one that’s red flagged with “IMPORTANT” written in the subject line that means they need to hear from me by yesterday. It’s all 47 or none.

From a work standpoint, this is one of the things that’s been killing me. One of the reasons getting anywhere near my to-do list has made me feel like going out and getting a pint (of ice cream!) and sleeping for the next 47 hours.

But I don’t think being an all or nothing person is all bad. There are some things being all or nothing about is a good idea. Like I will have the complete package of marriage or I will have no sex. It’s all marriage or nothing. I will eat the whole chocolate bar or just won’t buy it to take home with me. It’s all the chocolate bar or none of it.

Unfortunately, I’m also realizing that I allow myself to put aside this neurotic dedication to all in certain other situations. I somehow conveniently forget about the deal when I read I’m supposed to “rejoice in the Lord always” and forgive my enemies. Really? I can do one or the other, but doing it all is just not going to happen. I’m supposed to live a peaceful, joyful life and serve others, putting their interests ahead of my own? Both of those things are certainly not going to happen, so maybe it’ll just be nothing?

Why do I settle for an all-or-nothing attitude in my work (or chocolate bar eating) habits, but when it comes to obedience to God, I’m picking and choosing? Or – worse – settling for the “nothing” side of the equation?

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