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Dear Sir (a term I use loosely);

Here in our lovely city, we have a great bus-like auto system. And while we often cram four people onto a yard-and-a-half long bench seat, it works. You keep to your slice of seat and I keep to mine.

If you aren’t satisfied with that arrangement, however, and would prefer an elbow in your ribs or perhaps a kick to your shin, that can be arranged. How? Here are five easy steps…

Step One:  As the auto pulls to a stop in front of you, look into the back where an unaccompanied foreigner girl sits. Instantly change your previously bored, dull expression into one reflecting excitement, shock and a tiny bit of lust. Look the young woman up and down multiple times. Let your body posture reflect your sudden decision not to sit next to the driver but next to her.

Step Two:  Sit unnecessarily close to said foreigner girl and urge your friend to take the seat on the other side of you so she can’t ask you to move over to a polite distance.

Step Three:  Attempt to put your arm around the foreigner girl in a casual “I’m just trying to get comfortable” sort of way. You will be rejected and left with your elbow cocked uncomfortably on the seat, trying to figure out how to make it look like you were not trying to do what you were trying to do.

Step Four:  Tell one of your other friends to attempt a conversation with her. He will try in English. She will ignore him. Tell him to try in Hindi. He will say she doesn’t understand Hindi. Try to hit on her in Hindi yourself. She will ignore you.

Step Five:  Carry on a ten minute conversation about the likelihood that she doesn’t know Hindi or English because people from foreign countries generally aren’t smart enough to learn other languages. Do all of this in front of the girl, continuing to assume she does not understand what you’re talking about. Also assume that she’s too dumb to realize you’re talking about her when you point, motion and look at her multiple times throughout the course of your conversation.

Do all of this and you might just earn yourself an accidental elbow in the ribs and kick in the shin as she exits the auto…

Or she might tell the driver, “Those boys in the back really have no manners, you should chew them out for me” and shame you in front of the older, grandfatherly men sitting in the front…

Or she might just walk home, frustrated and angry, suddenly full of all the Hindi words to tell you off that temporarily fled her mind while you were being a jerk.


What’s your general reaction when people are rude to you? Women, how do you respond to pushy men? Men, can you explain exactly how a guy couldthink this behavior would actually, on any planet, be successful?