So, I’ve been trying to keep you updated on my journey through thirty days of gratitude. They’re meant to recalibrate my heart, training me to more readily, naturally give thanks in all circumstances.
And I am doing horribly!
At best, the words of thanksgiving flow out of my mouth or pen but not from my heart. At worst, my new awakening to the need to give thanks has turned into a standard with which I can judge others. “Well, they’re certainly not giving thanks in all circumstances like we’re commanded to do!”
At best, I’ve been outed as a closeted grouch. At worst, as a secretive, horrible, judgmental jerk!
I suppose someone wiser than me would assure me this should have been expected. Our sins weave together and tangle around one another. When one is pulled on, so many others come with it. But over a third of the way through the thirty day commitment, I’m beginning to wonder if maybe this should’ve been a sixty or even ninety day commitment.
Consider the list of thanksgiving I made on day nine. Four of the five items I wrote down on that day as something to be thankful for are all cynical and in the negative sense. Like, “Well, at least I don’t have to deal with that person every day of my life… That’s something to be thankful for…” Is my heart really so hard? Am I really so blind to the blessings God has given to me?
I suppose that cleaning is the first step in any renovation – including those of the heart.
I just wish it wasn’t so messy in here!